Anyone who knows me well, knows I’ve had my fair share of relationships. I remember a therapists who said, “John, if you change your partner you are just introducing a new set of perpetual problems into your life.” What I took from that therapist, and ultimately what started the internal transformation, was that I was the constant in all the previous relationships in which I found dissatisfaction. Furthermore, if I was able to change my internal state and my judgement of “their” problems I might have a chance at a healthy relationship.
It was not an easy pill to swallow. It meant that I had to stop being a martyr and blaming my partners for the relationship distress. I bet I know what some of you are thinking, “well you haven’t met my partner.” You’re right, I haven’t met them and this is not a key that fits every lock. What do you have to lose by considering a new mindset that does not cast shade on your partner? What do you stand to gain?